How to Become a Nun: A Journey of Spiritual Calling and Practical Steps

Silence fills the chapel at 4:30 AM, broken only by the soft rustle of habits and the gentle turning of prayer book pages. For centuries, women have chosen this path—a life dedicated entirely to God, community, and service. Yet in our hyperconnected age, the decision to become a nun seems almost countercultural, even radical. Perhaps that's precisely why interest in religious life has seen unexpected pockets of growth among millennials and Gen Z women seeking something deeper than what modern life offers.

The path to becoming a nun isn't simply about filling out an application or attending a few classes. It's a profound transformation that touches every aspect of your existence—from how you spend your mornings to how you understand your purpose in the universe. I've spent considerable time speaking with sisters from various orders, and what strikes me most is how each woman's journey is utterly unique, yet they all share certain fundamental experiences and challenges.

Understanding Religious Life Today

Before diving into the practical steps, let's clear up some confusion. The terms "nun" and "sister" are often used interchangeably, but they actually refer to different types of religious life. Nuns typically live in cloistered communities, dedicating themselves primarily to prayer and contemplation behind monastery walls. Sisters, on the other hand, engage in active ministry—teaching, nursing, social work—while living in community. Both are consecrated religious women who take vows, but their daily lives look quite different.

This distinction matters because it shapes everything that follows. A woman drawn to contemplative prayer and solitude will follow a different path than one called to teach in inner-city schools or care for the elderly. The beauty lies in the diversity—there are literally hundreds of religious communities, each with its own charism (spiritual focus) and way of life.

I remember sitting with Sister Catherine, a Dominican sister in her seventies, who told me, "When I was discerning, I visited twelve different communities. Each one was beautiful in its own way, but only one felt like home. It's like dating, but with much higher stakes and hopefully better outcomes!" Her laughter filled the room, but her point was serious—finding the right community is crucial.

The Inner Journey Begins

Most women don't wake up one morning and decide to become nuns. The calling usually emerges gradually, often beginning with a persistent sense that something is missing despite outward success or happiness. Many sisters describe it as a gentle but insistent tugging at the heart, a whisper that grows louder over time.

This initial stirring might manifest in various ways. Some women find themselves drawn to daily Mass or spending hours in adoration. Others discover a deep desire for community life or feel called to serve the poor in radical ways. Still others simply sense that God is inviting them to something more, though they can't quite articulate what that "more" might be.

The discernment process—that period of prayerful consideration about whether you're called to religious life—can take years. And it should. This isn't a decision to rush. During this time, many women work with spiritual directors, attend retreats, and spend time in deep prayer. They also begin researching different religious communities, trying to understand the landscape of possibilities.

One fascinating aspect I've noticed is how modern technology has changed this initial exploration. Where women once relied solely on chance encounters or recommendations from priests, they now can research communities online, watch videos of sisters discussing their lives, and even attend virtual discernment retreats. Yet despite these digital tools, the core of discernment remains deeply personal and spiritual.

Practical First Steps

Once you sense a possible calling, certain concrete steps can help clarify your path. First, find a spiritual director—ideally someone familiar with religious life who can guide your discernment without pushing you in any particular direction. This might be a priest, sister, or trained lay person. Their role isn't to tell you what to do but to help you listen to what God might be saying.

Begin developing a serious prayer life if you haven't already. This doesn't mean praying for hours each day (though some are called to that), but rather establishing consistent, daily communication with God. Many women find the Liturgy of the Hours particularly helpful, as it's the prayer that religious communities pray together throughout the day.

Start simplifying your life. This isn't about dramatic gestures—selling everything and moving into a cave—but rather beginning to detach from material possessions and unnecessary commitments. Pay attention to what truly brings you joy and peace versus what merely fills time or feeds ego.

Visit religious communities. This cannot be overstated. You can read about communities online, but nothing replaces actually experiencing their life firsthand. Most communities offer "come and see" weekends where you can pray, eat, work, and recreate with the sisters. Pay attention not just to their ministry but to how they interact with each other. Do they seem joyful? How do they handle conflict? What's their sense of humor like? These seemingly small details matter enormously when you're considering spending the rest of your life with these women.

Age and Life Circumstances

Contrary to popular belief, you don't need to be eighteen and fresh out of high school to enter religious life. While many communities have age limits (often around 40-45 for initial entry), women enter at various life stages. I've met sisters who entered after successful careers, after raising children as single mothers, even after divorce (with proper annulment).

That said, certain life circumstances need resolution before entering. Significant debt must be paid off or arrangements made for its payment. If you have dependent children, you'll need to wait until they're adults. Health issues should be stable and manageable within community life. These aren't arbitrary rules but practical considerations—religious communities commit to caring for you for life, so they need to ensure they can meet your needs while you contribute to community life.

Some communities are more flexible than others. Newer communities tend to have younger members and might prefer candidates under 35. More established communities often welcome older candidates who bring life experience and maturity. Again, this is where visiting different communities becomes crucial—you need to find not just a community you love, but one that can realistically accept you.

The Formation Process

Once you've discerned a calling and found a community that seems like a good fit, the formal formation process begins. This typically spans 6-9 years, though it varies by community and can be longer for solemn vows. Think of it as a gradual deepening of commitment, with multiple opportunities to discern whether this is truly your path.

The process usually begins with postulancy (6 months to a year), where you live with the community but don't wear a habit or take any vows. You're essentially a guest who participates fully in community life while continuing to discern. This period focuses on transitioning from secular to religious life—a bigger adjustment than most people anticipate.

Next comes the novitiate (typically two years), which marks the official beginning of religious life. You receive the habit and a religious name (though some communities now allow keeping your baptismal name). The first year is canonical, meaning you must spend it focused primarily on prayer and spiritual formation rather than active ministry. This is an intense period of learning—about your community's history and charism, about religious life in general, about yourself and your relationship with God.

Following novitiate, you take temporary vows (usually for 3-6 years) while continuing formation. During this period, you might pursue education needed for your community's ministry, deepen your understanding of theology and spirituality, and fully integrate into community life. It's a time of continued discernment—both you and the community are still discerning whether you're called to permanent commitment.

Finally, you profess perpetual vows, promising poverty, chastity, and obedience for life. Some communities have a beautiful tradition where the newly professed sister lies prostrate before the altar while the community sings the Litany of Saints—a powerful symbol of dying to self and rising to new life in Christ.

Daily Life and Expectations

What does daily life actually look like for a nun or sister? This varies enormously between communities, but certain elements remain constant. Prayer anchors the day—usually beginning with morning prayer and Mass, punctuated by midday prayer, and concluding with evening prayer. Contemplative communities might spend 4-6 hours in prayer daily, while active communities might pray together for 2-3 hours.

Work fills much of the day, whether that's teaching, nursing, social work, or maintaining the monastery through cooking, cleaning, and gardening. Contemplative nuns might support themselves through making altar breads, sewing vestments, or creating art. The key is that work is understood as prayer—a way of serving God through serving others or maintaining the sacred space of the monastery.

Community life requires constant adjustment and growth. You're living with women you didn't choose, sharing everything from bathroom schedules to major decisions about the community's future. It's simultaneously challenging and profoundly rewarding. Sister Maria once told me, "Community life sandpapers off all your rough edges. It's painful sometimes, but you emerge more yourself than you ever imagined possible."

Recreation and rest are built into the schedule too. Communities play games, watch movies, celebrate birthdays and feast days. Many sisters are accomplished musicians, artists, or writers who continue developing these gifts within religious life. The joy in these communities often surprises visitors who expect only somber silence.

Challenges and Honest Realities

Let's be frank about the challenges. Celibacy is real and sometimes difficult, especially in the early years. You're giving up the possibility of marriage and biological children—goods that our culture (rightly) celebrates. Most sisters will tell you that while the grace of celibacy is real, it doesn't eliminate all struggle. The key is channeling that capacity for love into prayer and service rather than trying to suppress it entirely.

Obedience might be even harder for modern women accustomed to independence. You're placing major life decisions—where you live, what work you do, sometimes even small daily choices—into the hands of your superiors and community. This isn't blind obedience but rather a trust that God works through community structures. Still, it requires tremendous humility and trust.

Poverty means more than just living simply. It means genuine dependence on your community for everything from toothpaste to medical care. For women accustomed to earning their own money and making independent financial decisions, this adjustment can be jarring.

The decline in vocations means many communities are aging without younger members to continue their work. Some women enter communities where they're the youngest by decades, which brings its own challenges. Other communities are merging or closing entirely. This reality requires careful discernment about which communities have a sustainable future.

The Unexpected Joys

Yet for all these challenges, the sisters I know radiate a joy that's hard to describe. There's a freedom in having given everything to God—no more anxiety about finding the right partner, advancing in career, or accumulating enough for retirement. There's a deep peace in knowing you're exactly where God wants you.

The intensity of community life, while challenging, also provides unparalleled support. Your sisters pray for you daily, celebrate your joys, and support you through struggles. You're never alone in quite the fundamental way that many people experience in secular life.

The opportunity for ongoing spiritual growth is extraordinary. With prayer built into your daily schedule and spiritual direction readily available, you have resources for deepening your relationship with God that many lay people struggle to access. The wisdom I've encountered in older sisters—women who've spent fifty or sixty years in prayer and service—is humbling and inspiring.

Modern Religious Life

Today's religious life looks different from fifty years ago. Many communities have updated their habits or abandoned them entirely. Others maintain traditional practices while engaging with contemporary issues. Some communities focus on environmental justice, others on fighting human trafficking, still others on contemplative prayer for the world.

The diversity can be overwhelming but also exciting. Whether you're drawn to solemn Latin chant or contemporary Christian music, to traditional habits or simple modern dress, to teaching chemistry or growing organic vegetables, there's likely a community that matches your calling.

What remains constant is the core—women giving their lives entirely to God in community, whether behind monastery walls or in the midst of the world's struggles. It's a life that makes no sense by worldly standards but perfect sense to those called to it.

Taking the Next Step

If you've read this far and feel your heart stirring, what now? Start with prayer—not anxious, grasping prayer but open, listening prayer. Ask God to make His will clear, and be genuinely open to whatever that might be. Remember that discerning a vocation is about discovering what God has already placed in your heart, not manufacturing feelings that aren't there.

Contact vocation directors from communities that interest you. Most are happy to answer questions via email or phone, with no pressure to commit to anything. Attend discernment retreats if possible—many communities offer them throughout the year.

Be patient with yourself and the process. Some women know quickly and clearly that they're called to religious life. Others take years to gain clarity. Both paths are valid. What matters is honest engagement with the question and openness to God's response.

Consider keeping a journal throughout your discernment. Write down your thoughts, fears, hopes, and experiences as you explore religious life. Over time, patterns often emerge that clarify your calling.

Most importantly, trust that God wants your happiness even more than you do. If He's calling you to religious life, He'll provide the grace needed for every challenge. If He's not, He has other beautiful plans for your life. The key is listening with an open heart and responding with generous courage to whatever you hear.

The chapel falls silent again as evening prayer concludes. The sisters file out quietly, some to prepare dinner, others to finish work projects, a few to spend another hour in prayer. Their lives appear simple from the outside, but having glimpsed the depth within, I understand why women continue choosing this path. In a world that promises fulfillment through endless options and constant stimulation, they've found it through focus, commitment, and surrender. It's not a life for everyone—but for those genuinely called to it, it's a life of profound meaning and unexpected joy.

Authoritative Sources:

Schneiders, Sandra M. Selling All: Commitment, Consecrated Celibacy, and Community in Catholic Religious Life. New York: Paulist Press, 2001.

"Consecrated Life." United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-teachings/vocations/consecrated-life

Wittberg, Patricia. Pathways to Re-Creating Religious Communities. New York: Paulist Press, 1996.

"Code of Canon Law: Institutes of Consecrated Life." Vatican.va. www.vatican.va/archive/cod-iuris-canonici/eng/documents/cic_lib2-cann573-606_en.html

Chittister, Joan. The Fire in These Ashes: A Spirituality of Contemporary Religious Life. Kansas City: Sheed & Ward, 1995.

"National Religious Vocation Conference." NRVC.net. www.nrvc.net

Fiand, Barbara. Refocusing the Vision: Religious Life into the Future. New York: Crossroad Publishing, 2001.